I received this text out of the blue one night when my mom and I were in different rooms of the same house. Hello.Just practicing texting.how many apricots have you had today
A daughter’s vices
I’m 30 years old and in my second year of medical school. I got this email from my mother today: How is school? I hope I don’t have to worry about you drinking and smoking. Study hard,play hard. But not Boozing,smoking,sexing. Please keep in mind. Those are self-destructive behavior. Be aware!! Work hard, your reward [...]
Field notes from the motherland
My mother is currently visiting relatives in Taiwan and sent me the following email: Dear Jo: Here is rain everywhere, whole day, whole weeks. I don’t how long we have take it. Food is very where, however we can’t take too much by our age. Vegetable and fruit are so fresh. But virus and illness [...]
Seeking nice b*tches
One time we were in California on a family vacation and my mom was driving around looking for a nice beach for us to hang out at. She pulls up to a pedestrian, rolls down her window and asks, “Excuse me do you if there are any nice bitches around here?”
For the longest time, my mom didn’t know that one line from “Hey Ya!” by Outkast goes “shake it like a polaroid picture!” Up until the time I corrected her, she’s been singing “shake it like a bowl of pizza!”
You Are What You Eat
Mom: and today tony had a surgery ,cut some things from nect [tony is my dad, and she meant neck] Me: what? what things? Mom: meat Me: why? Mom: meat ball Me: hahahahaha so nothing bad? Mom: he eat too much meat so it grow in the neck
Happy Humping Day
Mom: Today I learned something new at work. Me: What’s that? Mom: What day is today? Me: Wednesday? Mom: Yes, so then? Me: I don’t get it. Mom: Wednesday is the humping day!! Halfway done work so means it is the humping day for everyone!!! Me: MOM It’s not “humping” day, it’s “HUMP” day, like [...]
My mom, sister and I are at the mall. Mom: Do we need to go to Hot Pocket? Sister: … You mean Hot Topic?
You are a Loser
Mom: You know that show “You Are A Loser”? Me: You mean “Biggest Loser”? Mom: Yeah that one.