◖Some Life! ►
Pass out in shock #Joke #Humor
The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone dialed 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint.
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE #Joke #Humor
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
Hunting with a wife #Joke #Humor
A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion.
Discussing the tax rates #Joke #Humor
A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag.
Fight competition #Joke #Humor
The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS. He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES. The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop-it read... Main entrance.
Fish cost a fortune #Joke #Humor
Two Virginia rednecks go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune! The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish. As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says,
Don't take any chances #Joke #Humor
A person receives a telegram informing him about his mother-in-law's death. It also inquires whether she should be buried or burnt. He replies,
Constantly complaining about the temperature #Joke #Humor
A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest.
Mad Cow Disease #Joke #Humor
There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields.
Placing your order #Joke #Humor
A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order. There was a big sign posted.
Stagecoach surprise #Joke #Humor
I had a dream the other night. I was in the old West riding in a stagecoach. Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulls up to the left side of the stagecoach, and a riderless horse pulls up on the right. The man leans down, pulls open the door, and jumps off his horse into the stagecoach. Then he opens the door on the other side and jumps onto the other horse. Just before he rode off, I yelled out,
Solving a problem #Joke #Humor
A guy goes to a psychiatrist.
Shopping for goods #Joke #Humor
A woman meant to call a record store but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead.
The boss tells some jokes #Joke #Humor
The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody, but one girl laughed uproariously.
Safe to swim here? #Joke #Humor
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,
Sorry for eating the peanuts #Joke #Humor
A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table. Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he's absentmindedly finished the entire bowl.
Practical joke on his ex-girlfriend #Joke #Humor
The soldier serving in Hong Kong was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back. He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying,
I marked the spot #Joke #Humor
Two friends rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish.
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD #Joke #Humor
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.
Give chocolate pudding #Joke #Humor
First soldier: "Pass me the chocolate pudding, would you?"
Dropped your wallet #Joke #Humor
Two fishermen were out on the lake when one of them dropped his wallet. As they watched the wallet float down to the depths of the lake, a carp came along and snatched up the wallet. Soon came another carp who stole it away and then a third joined in. Remarked one of the fisherman,
BLONDE'S STARTING SALARY #Joke #Humor
A boss tells a blonde applicant,
Bad relationships #Joke #Humor
Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said,
Bank customer service #Joke #Humor
"I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance ... she leaned over and pushed me."
A walking economy #Joke #Humor
This guy is walking with his friend, who happens to be a psychologist.